I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
