how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
