don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
