I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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