we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
