Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
