Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize