I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
