He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My vagina is officially offended.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
