i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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