There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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