She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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