he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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