Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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