the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
