remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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