weddingsv make me drug and hornr
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
