We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
