I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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