This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
