Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
