ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
