I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
