so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
