i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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