What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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