i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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