I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize