My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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