Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so explain again why im purple
no
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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