I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
