He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
