Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
