I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
