my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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