Cold hands, warm shart.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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