Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
