Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
