u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
