Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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