Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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