Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
