Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
