Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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