He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
