you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize