Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
