Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
