she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
