Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
