your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
