were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
