I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It's Friday. Sex?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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