i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Oh god it's open bar.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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