We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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