Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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