you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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