Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she told me i tasted like america
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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