biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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