Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
