Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
