dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
