I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
