Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
jump out the window naked night went bad
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
