Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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