Your face is a jimmy john
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
