You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
