So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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