if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
