Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
