I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
