did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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