Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
