It's Friday. Sex?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
