The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
