his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
