Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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