I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
