I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
