In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
