you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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