Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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